This is the first of five pieces I have written for voice week. Each piece is based on the same prompt but told using a different character’s voice. I decided to use my own prompt for voice week.
The Crime – Part 1
I always loved hunting in the winter the best. The crisp air from the falling snow made it easier for me to smell my prey. That night the smell of aftershave escaped the security booth and nipped at my nose and the odour of urine wafting about from the homeless guy churned my stomach. It was still early. I had time to be fussy. I waited in the shadows of the parking lot. A greasy aroma from the diner down the road lingered in the air. Then I smelled her, twenty something, clean, healthy, and alone. She exited the hospital and rounded the corner at a brisk pace but not brisk enough. I swiftly made my move and temporarily warmed my insides as the life flowed from her into me.
What do you think of this character’s voice? What does the piece tell you about the character?
Nice and creeepy. Glad to see others love Rashomon like I do. Rashomon is one of the thoughts behind The Rule of Three blogfest: I was going to do that: same story, three different character POV’s. Thanks Billie Jo
Stuart
Tale Spinning
Last Day to Join The Rule Of Three Blogfest: October 3!
I just checked out The Rule of Three Blogfest. Sounds fun. I will see how busy I think I am going to be with other commitments and then I may join in as well. Thanks for your comments!
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I sense this may be a darker character (dare I say vampire?), with a touch of taste for the panache. Nicely written.
Yes, it is vampire but certainly a cultured one who enjoys his sport.
A great start to Voice Week Billie Jo.
Creepy, sinister and menacing. The character is evil – but is it a human or some sort of alien or vampire? The words ‘temporarily warmed my insides as the life flowed from her into me’ give the feel that it might be some blood drinking vampire. The love of hunting and his strong sense of smell also led me in the same direction.
The voice is calm – he knows what he wants and is prepared to wait – a true animal hunting his prey – ‘I had time to be fussy.’
It was a great read – can’t wait for tomorrow.
Thanks for the compliments Mike. I am glad so much of this vampire’s persona came through in this piece.
Is a mosquito?
It certainly could have been a very patient mosquito.
Ohhh, NICE! This sets the week up for some other scary (or scared???) voices. Nice Job!
Thank you! I hope the other voices are just as interesting to listen to.
“I had time to be fussy.” – that singular line sums up the character for me. Brilliant! It takes him/her beyond a simple hunter to a connoisseur that views humans as nothing more than different grades of prime steak (or pralines?)
Looking forward to what’s to come. You’ve set up some choice characters
Thanks Andrew! He has certainly acquired a taste for the good stuff over the years. I felt he needed to speak first but it was hard to decide who gets to go next. Hopefully all the characters will be equally as interesting.
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I definitely get the impression of the connoisseur – the way (s)he talks about the winter weather (crisp air, falling snow) shows that he doesn’t ONLY like it because it makes it easier to hunt. He takes time to smell the roses, as it were. “It was still early. I had time to be fussy.” may say the most about him. He likes the “better” stuff, but knows that if he goes too long without – erm, eating – he won’t have the luxury of being picky.
I can’t wait for tomorrow!
Thanks Stephanie for both the comments and the challenge.
What I love the most about this is that it’s a vampire, but it never says it’s a vampire. That’s skillful storytelling. There’s a real undercurrent of ‘animal’ in here that I find appealing. I can’t wait to read your next five voices!
What a lovely compliment, thank you! I think he has lost so much of the human he once was that mostly the animal side is left.
Terrifying, yet so smooth I actually found myself admiring him. Great voice!
I think as a human he was once an admirable figure it is just his vampire side that makes him less noble now. Thank you!
Ooh, creepy! This is great! I love the words you used to describe each scent. And the atmosphere was great. I absolutely love scenes that take place in the winter.
=)
Thank you Juan, I was going for creepy so I am glad that came across. I looked at him as a hunter and figured his sense of smell would be heightened so that was where I started then I figured he was highly educated and of a wealthier background, perhaps even ‘old money’. I worked the descriptions based on that premise.
A quiet suspense builds….loved this line “temporarily warmed my insides” it’s like G rated gore – which is an interesting idea.
I like the term G rated gore! I think that sums up a few of my pieces. I like to let people use their imaginations to fill in the blanks. Thanks for the comment.
A cultured voice. Enjoyed reading…as others pointed out “time to be fussy” was a real grabber.
Thank you for popping by and reading it Robin. Glad you enjoyed it.
Always chooses the best and not any thing down the road…there is style in this character. Loved it Billie Jo.
Thank you for the lovely compliment!
I like how the vampire’s dominant sense is that of smell; definitely adds to his predatory nature.
Thank you!
My brain: animal, or psychopath? Love how ambiguous this is!