This is the fifth and final piece written for voice week. Each of the pieces was based on the same prompt but told using a different character’s voice. This has been an amazing experience for me. I enjoyed writing the pieces and reading all the other great entries as well. This one is certainly over the 100 words, apologies for that!
The Crime – Part 5
I stood in judgement. He had no sight but looked as if he read my soul. I placed my hands on his shoulders focusing on his mind. When I broke our contact, I witnessed the final flicker of the refined gentleman. He is now as others see him, his memories stored only in my mind. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands.
The fat one came next. His fear pulsed through me. I felt deliciously energised. For him I had neither remorse nor mercy. I took his memory but kept his insufferable personality intact.
Finally, to the girl, she at least had a pulse. I bent down and gave her a few drops of my most precious fluid. By the time others arrived they would just think she had slipped on the ice.
I created a monster when I took Alistair as my companion and have been cleaning his messes up ever since.
What does the voice of this piece tell you about the character?
A wonderful finale Billie Jo. Caught me completely by surprise.
This final voice standing in ‘judgement’ and putting everything right ( being an old softy I’m so glad she survived!). Then you leave us with the intriguing ‘Alistair’ – Who is he? what is he? How come today’s vice is his partner? Is this the beginning of a new story?
A great finish to the week, congratulations.
Thanks for your support all week Mike. I was trying to end this tale as I wrote it but then decided perhaps it was only a beginning. I am considering working with these characters a bit more in the future.
Oh, aren’t you tricky? Very, very interesting twist. Never saw that coming. I reminded me quite a lot of something Anne Rice would do. Poor Alistair, the impulsive rookie, will likely get a beating from a far more sophisticated and powerful companion. And there will be one more added to the group – wonder what kind of conflict she would bring between the two.
Congratulations on 5 marvelous voices throughout the week to end on a high note!
I am blushing just a little at your comments. Thank you for that. I am considering developing these characters further so you never know they may resurface at some point.
Now THAT was a twist! 🙂 SUPERB ending, leaving the reading wanting more. There’s something very ancient about this voice…and the fact that he/she is standing in judgement to the others throws in a sort of Vigilante vibe to it. LOVED that – and now, we have a girl who may or may not be the same when she wakes up, and the mysterious Alistair. REALLY good writing here.
Thank you for all of you very flattering comments. I feel very humbled by them. I like these characters so perhaps this may work into a longer piece at some point.
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Fascinating. I’m guessing he’s the same type of creature as Alastair, since taking him as companion “created a monster.” Does Alastair suck blood, and this guy sucks memories, or do they both suck both?
Poor, poor homeless man. That he has to lose what little he had. But at least our girl’s okay!
They are both blood suckers it is just this one has a bit more power. This one is also not foolish enough to get caught. She remains hidden which is why we couldn’t see her until the end but she was there the entire time just a few steps behind Alastair. Thank you for all you comments once again and for the great challenge!
What I love about this is that the first vampire already seemed like a badass, but this one is an order of magnitude stronger, and awe-inspiring. You nailed what immortality would sound like. Everything is beneath him, or “it,” and he fears nothing.
I am glad that came through in the writing. I was not sure if it would or not. Thank you!
Vamp? I’m even more interested about the back story to this relationship! Somehow, I hope you continue the story even if you’re done with Voice Week! This is really great though. You do brilliant voices!
Thank you for all your comments on my pieces. I am glad you enjoyed them. I think perhaps these voices may surface again at some point. I had fun working with them.
YAY! I’m happy now :}