Ass. That is what he is. He is an ass.
Every time a piece of vintage like the blonde over there dangles in front of him, he decides to become a cougar tamer. It is disgusting to watch and I told as much when we came in.
Now I am stood here staring at him, as he is staring at her and I am looking like a div. If he hadn’t had my corner so many times in the past, I’d leave him to it. I can’t do that though. Once I down this pint I will get him the hell out of here before he gets himself into trouble.
This was my fourth post for Voice Week.
A strong voice from line one! Gems like “piece of vintage,” “dangles in front of him,” and “like a div” (I had to look that one up!) really make it shine. This guy seems older than his friend, but perhaps just more mature. The language, like “ass” and “hell” doesn’t make him seem vulgar, more like he’s just giving it to us straight, you know what I mean? He’s obviously a decent, sensible guy. I like him. Great work!
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a good friend, there to make sure his buddy doesn’t get into trouble. He sounds like a protective older brother kind of
I love that opening sentence. You can tell they’re good friends because he calls him names. 😉
Their bond is obvious; I really like this genuine, gruff voice.
This is my favorite one so far! I’m in love with the second paragraph. I can’t wait to see how this all plays out, how they’re all tied together.
Well written, holds the readers attention from the start.